Screwcap wine bottles, You're dead to me.

Yeah. It's been a while since the last entry. At least I'm still managing to outperform David Delgado.

My non-denominational Holiday break was composed of much celebration of a religious manner as well as my own personal church, the First Congregation of NetFlix. The tone was similar to one of those days when you were sick in Middle School. You had to wait until 3:30 when school got out to call a friend and get the homework assignment, and due to your illness you couldn't logically do anything physical. So you sat down on the couch with a glass of Sprite and watched tons of crappy daytime TV (read: The View, Katie Couric and whatever local morning news was on). Well, the years have gone by and that glass of Sprite has been replaced with Sierra Mist and crappy daytime TV (which, in fact, is still crappy and full of women that I can't stand *cough* Star Jones you will always be fat to me *cough*) is now composed of my NetFlix queue and episodes of Best Week Ever on VH1. Actually, for a station that has a program about the "Best" items of the past seven days, it's full of programming so bad that it makes "Jake in Progress" look like "Sports Night."
So I offer to you this overview of "VH1 shows that are ruining our nation more than John Kerry and Al Franken combined."
1. Celebrity Fit Club. Although promising in its positive basis (overweight celebs try to get their lives back on track), I have a problem with the misleading title. Yes, it is indeed a club (although I haven't been offered membership), and the purpose of said organization is to get more "fit." However the definition of "Celebrity" has been stretched to its basic cable limits. No, you will not see Rob Reiner or Jack Black or Oprah or the fat Dixie Chick on VH1. Rather you get Chastity Bono, Young MC, Jeff Conaway, that comedian from Last Comic Standing (another blog entry in itself), and Bruce Vilanch. These are the people that are even below the C-listers who appear every week on "Dancing with the Stars" or "Skating with Celebrities."
2. Flavor of Love. A bunch of crazed black women compete for the affections of Flava Flav.
Do we need yet ANOTHER show that reemphasizes black stereotypes? We already have the entire UPN network.
3. Hogan Knows Best. This show answers the question that I, for one, have been asking for some time: What is the wrinkled giant known as Hulk Hogan like as a father and a husband? NEXT.

And what's funny is that it is STILL superior to MTV.

Are you ready for some football?

Since my Niners are out of the playoffs yet again this season (despite the fact that they doubled last year's win total), it's that time of the year in which I jump onto the least favorable bandwagon. Why the least favorable as opposed to...the Patriots every year? Because unlike my friend Will Wagner (read: band WAGner), I like to root for the underdog. It makes the postseason that much more enjoyable. And like the elitist that I am, I can't cheer on the favorite.

So who am I picking to win Super Bowl LV? None other than the New England Patriots.
I know what you're thinking and allow me to answer your two questions: yes, I do wear stylish boxer shorts and b) this is NOT the same thing as picking the Pats last season. They have been proven to be fallible as their 10-6 record proves. If anything, this is a bold pick on my part since starting LT Todd Light is out for the season.

Normally I would root against the "dynasty" since it takes attention away from the last TRUE dynasty, namely the Bill Walsh era of the 49ers c. 1984. So why am I going with the Pats? Four reasons:
1) Tom Brady is the best looking man in the NFL. And us handsome types have to stick together.
2) They signed Tim Dwight, the fastest (white) player in the NFL, and my favorite San Diego Charger of all time.
3) It would be un-American (read: liberal) to root against the PATRIOTS.
4) Yesterday, January 1, 2006, Max's Hero #15 kicked the first successful drop kick PAT since 1941. It's fate. No team with Doug Flutie on the roster can possibly lose.

So I lied about the title. So sue me.

A new feature to this blog will be the annual award for "Outstanding achievement in his or his field without getting the proper respect from the public." A bit of a long award name, but I'll make a big enough trophy to fit every last character. Anyhoo...

The first runner up for this pretigious award is none other than Mr. Stedman Graham.

Why does Stedman seem familiar to you? Well, the man is an accomplished author, motivational speaker and he played collegiate basketball. He founded the non-profit organization "Athletes Against Drugs" and has published such books as "You Can Make It Happen Every Day" and "The Ultimate Guide to Sport Event Management & Marketing." He is an accomplished man and philanthropist.
But this means nothing to the general public.
If anyone knows Stedman, it's as Oprah's boyfriend. He is only known to the world as "that dude who's never going to marry her." He will forever be second to the planet formely known as Oprah. And for that reason, Stedman is the first runner up.

The winner? Well, seeing as I'm such a damn Republican, the award just HAS to go to a racecar driver, doesn't it?

Dan Wheldon

A little background info before I go into how deserving a recipient Mr. Wheldon is. Born in Emberton, England in 1978, he moved to the United States in 1999. He raced on the IRL circuit before joining the Andretti Green Racing team in 2003.
Dan Wheldon had probably the best year of any Indy car driver. He won the IRL series championship in addition to 4 other victories. A little known fact to many is that in 2005, he won a little race that I like to call the Indy 500. Yes. THAT Indy 500. Maybe you've heard of it? He won the biggest race of the year and drank milk from that cherished cup.
BUT NO ONE NOTICED.
And why did this happen? Because the damn liberal media/politically correct bastards at ESPN decided to focus entirely on IRL rookie Danica Patrick. Sure, she lead the race for 19 laps. Sure that's pretty good for a rookie. But she also FINISHED FOURTH. They don't even give medals for fourth place at the Olympics. A bronze medal is scoffed at nowadays, so what does that make fourth place?
The fact remains that just because she had bigger breasts than Dan Wheldon (And just barely) that she got all of the media attention and appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She got the attention since our PC world wants a woman to succeed so badly that it will shun the actual winner to put the camera on the cute female in the field of 33.

So, Dan Wheldon, even though the world ignored your historic victory, I did not. And that is why you are the least appreciated man in the world. Congrats...I think.

Nothing changes New Years Day...

Wow. Long time no blog. Lots to catch up on. But let's start with the occasion at hand: This is my first post of the year of our lord 2006. I just got back from a little shindig and decided to blog. This can be looked at in two fashions: either pathetic on my part or lucky for you, the reader. Hopefully you will consider the latter.
In honor of this new year, which I have unofficially dubbed "The best year ever," I have decided to list a few of my resolutions. So without further Apu...
Things that I wish to accomplish this year
by Max "The Yellow Dart" Davison
1. Read more. I always seem to put this on my list, and although I do succeed in turning more pages, I could always do so to a greater degree of intensity.
2. Stop using Bono/U2 so much in my jokes. If you've hung around me enough during the first semester, you've probably gotten sick of the constant "What would Bono think?" lines uttered from my mouth. I apologize and promise to now make fun of Rick Springfield, The Darkness, Public Enemy, and the Dave Clark Five. It will be a more eclectic mix of mockery.
3. Find true love. Moving on...
4. 8x8. My In-n-Out quest must continue in '06.
5. Bench 275. A realistic goal.
6. Stop Procrastinating. Yeah. Like that's gonna happen.
7. Always be doing something. Too many idle moments have passed in my life.

And so ends part one of the new years blog entry. Stay tuned, for the next part, entitled "Even more underappreciated folk" is coming in about 5 minutes!