Day Three of crossing the picket line:
Meh. I've gotten bored of trying to invoke social change and instead I'm watching a marathon of Will Smith movies in preparation for I Am Legend. And if there's one thing that I've learned from The Pursuit of Happyness (other than that producers can't spell worth a damn) is that one man can't change the world.
But then again, Hitch taught me how to dance Bad Boys II taught me that even thatched roof cottages can explode if Michael Bay says so.
Either way, now that my court mandated two days of "giving a damn" are up, it's time to focus on the commerical element of the holidays. You know, the fun part. When I got back from New Zealand, I was greeted with a 52" flatscreen TV in the living room. But my joy was soon curbed when I was told that this constituted the entirety of Christmas. So either my parents are planning on punk'ing me, or I'm looking at sending myself presents like it's Valentine's Day or something.
So seeing as I'm going to be a bereft, Charlie Buckett child this Jesus Day, maybe some of my loyal readers want to help me out with some holiday cheer. That's why for the next fortnight minus two, I'll be presenting the 12 Days of Christmas...only instead of "my true love," anyone with a major credit card will do.
On the first day of Christmas, I want someone to give to me:
Barry Manilow's severed head impaled on a spike.
Seacrest out.
-MGD
Thursday, December 13, 2007
13 December 2007 -
Day three of crossing the picket lines:
I did my part to strengthen the producers by illegally downloading and catching up on season 5 of Nip/Tuck. That'll teach those basic cable bastards.
And there's still not much to report on the PA front. Working in post production at Below The Radar in Soviet Monica. And yes, I get $15 every time I mention their name. If NBC.com gets ad revenue on episodes of Chuck, I should start charging for all of my shameless plugs (Note: Dan Coscino, you owe me about $3500).
So here's a taste of what I've been up to in the fast paced lifestyle of production: ESPN.com video. It's not enough to get me to watch Frank TV on TBS (That'll be $15, Ted Turner), but I can never watch a Bill Walton telecast without laughing ever again.
Use your illusion,
MGD
That's what she said of the day:
Re: Finishing up an edit before the 4pm deadline
I can go faster if you need me to.
I did my part to strengthen the producers by illegally downloading and catching up on season 5 of Nip/Tuck. That'll teach those basic cable bastards.
And there's still not much to report on the PA front. Working in post production at Below The Radar in Soviet Monica. And yes, I get $15 every time I mention their name. If NBC.com gets ad revenue on episodes of Chuck, I should start charging for all of my shameless plugs (Note: Dan Coscino, you owe me about $3500).
So here's a taste of what I've been up to in the fast paced lifestyle of production: ESPN.com video. It's not enough to get me to watch Frank TV on TBS (That'll be $15, Ted Turner), but I can never watch a Bill Walton telecast without laughing ever again.
Use your illusion,
MGD
That's what she said of the day:
Re: Finishing up an edit before the 4pm deadline
I can go faster if you need me to.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
12 December 2007 - I moved it into a bigger file.
Day Two of crossing the picket line:
I'm currently working on a spec script that a director may or may not use for his reel. The "may" part because it's heavy on the dialogue and he's mainly known for shooting cars. The "may not" because as of right now, he doesn't know that I'm writing it for him...yet.
*Cue Scrubs fantasy sequence where Max wallpapers an office with his script*
So rule one of PA work is that if anyone ever asks "Who's not doing anything?" you never answer. The higher-ups never want to learn that they're paying someone to sit around and lollygag (Sidebar: If a sadist sits around and does nothing, would that make it "lollyballgag?"). Normally, this isn't a problem, what with constant coffee runs and more faxing than one human can possibly manage.
But on this job, there's a surprisingly tiny amount of work that's split amongst three PAs. So there are plenty of moments where we lapse into YouTubing, screenplay writing, or playing running charades. And each time we say "Sounds like kneecap," we run the risk of getting fired.
Which is why I give to you my patented Five Step Guide to Looking Busy (Note: patent pending).
Step One: The busy walk. The pace is somewhere between a forty yard dash and a powerwalk. Your feet should never leave the ground, but you need to convey a sense of urgency. An angry frown or dismayed SIGH may help.
Step Two: Sit at a computer with multiple monitors and drag windows to and fro. Sure, you might be checking Facebook. But when the window passes from one screen to the other, it makes your boss think that a) you're techno-saavy and b) you can multi-task.
Step Three: Have a large stack of papers or CDs nexto to your workspace. Creates the illusion that you're involved in a project with no end in sight. And when the pile doesn't seem to get any smaller, it shows just how dedicated you are to this company.
Step Four: Pretend that you're always having printer or copier problems. Everyone empathizes with this, so the guy kicking the copier always gets a free pass. Hell, it might even be a conversation starter with the IT guy or the other people who need to use the fax machine.
Step Five: If you ever get caught goofing around, make up a fake boss and say you're working on a side project. For the past 6 days, Mr. Calrissian has had me putting together a file on blonde American Idol winners who sing country.
Or, you could always pull a George Costanza and leave your car in the parking lot overnight. That way, you're the last man in the office and the first one to arrive.
Serenity NOW,
MGD
'That's what she said' of the day:
Re: Splicing a 15 second audio clip onto 12 seconds of film.
"Don't worry: I'll make it fit."
I'm currently working on a spec script that a director may or may not use for his reel. The "may" part because it's heavy on the dialogue and he's mainly known for shooting cars. The "may not" because as of right now, he doesn't know that I'm writing it for him...yet.
*Cue Scrubs fantasy sequence where Max wallpapers an office with his script*
So rule one of PA work is that if anyone ever asks "Who's not doing anything?" you never answer. The higher-ups never want to learn that they're paying someone to sit around and lollygag (Sidebar: If a sadist sits around and does nothing, would that make it "lollyballgag?"). Normally, this isn't a problem, what with constant coffee runs and more faxing than one human can possibly manage.
But on this job, there's a surprisingly tiny amount of work that's split amongst three PAs. So there are plenty of moments where we lapse into YouTubing, screenplay writing, or playing running charades. And each time we say "Sounds like kneecap," we run the risk of getting fired.
Which is why I give to you my patented Five Step Guide to Looking Busy (Note: patent pending).
Step One: The busy walk. The pace is somewhere between a forty yard dash and a powerwalk. Your feet should never leave the ground, but you need to convey a sense of urgency. An angry frown or dismayed SIGH may help.
Step Two: Sit at a computer with multiple monitors and drag windows to and fro. Sure, you might be checking Facebook. But when the window passes from one screen to the other, it makes your boss think that a) you're techno-saavy and b) you can multi-task.
Step Three: Have a large stack of papers or CDs nexto to your workspace. Creates the illusion that you're involved in a project with no end in sight. And when the pile doesn't seem to get any smaller, it shows just how dedicated you are to this company.
Step Four: Pretend that you're always having printer or copier problems. Everyone empathizes with this, so the guy kicking the copier always gets a free pass. Hell, it might even be a conversation starter with the IT guy or the other people who need to use the fax machine.
Step Five: If you ever get caught goofing around, make up a fake boss and say you're working on a side project. For the past 6 days, Mr. Calrissian has had me putting together a file on blonde American Idol winners who sing country.
Or, you could always pull a George Costanza and leave your car in the parking lot overnight. That way, you're the last man in the office and the first one to arrive.
Serenity NOW,
MGD
'That's what she said' of the day:
Re: Splicing a 15 second audio clip onto 12 seconds of film.
"Don't worry: I'll make it fit."
Monday, December 10, 2007
11 December 2007 - Read this blog, prevent Max from becoming literate
Max Davison's self imposed intervention
Item One: I've been slacking on the blog.
Yes, I'm well aware of this one. Part of it is laziness. But if you know and love me, you'll have long accepted this part of my personality and this won't bother you.
Secondably, I've gotten back into the labor force with a week or so of PA work. I'm working on a Suzuki job where my bohemian, South African superior is cutting together a new spot made up of three other commercials. Addition by addition. Unfortunately, my coworkers and superiors are far too nice on this job, so I don't have any good Devil Wears Prada stories about overly-specific coffee orders or being forced to serve as pest control for the entire office (Because a good boss doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people).
Thirdly, I'm on the verge of having my post count surpassed by that person whose taste in music and movies is so close to mine that we no doubt have to enemies...that is if we were ever to talk, which oddly enough has never happened.
And we wouldn't want that, now would we?
Fourthly, thanks to the douchebags formerly known as the WGA, I have no more TV shows to watch/insult. Although I could probably write a master's thesis on why the finale of Heroes was the worst 43 minutes in the history of television, I think that my energy can be better spent in other areas...namely crossing the picket line.
That's right, desperate producers, I'm more than willing to scab. You need another 8 episodes of Lost? Ask anyone who has talked to me on a Saturday night: I have enough crazy theories to last five seasons. Maybe it was the Smoke Monster who really killed JFK? Just a thought. I can also write insane Tracy Morgan ramblings (which could also pass for Creed Thoughts, come to think of it).
So I'll try to update you on a daily basis about all of the ins and outs of the P.A. job (and not just the ones involving receptionists with low self esteem. ZING!), as well as my ongoing quest to singlehandedly end the WGA strike and make sure that we get Gossip Girl back on the air ASAP. I mean, where else is my right hand going to get any exercise? (DOUBLE ZING...and a complete joke if any attractive, single female types were wondering).
But seriously, people: if I don't get a new episode of House in the next two months, I might be forced to read a book. And in case you didn't read that correctly or are hearing impaired: READ A BOOK.
The horror...the horror...
Death to the infidels,
MGD
That's what she said of the day:
Re: A film negative
I really didn't think it would be that long. Should we cut it down by three inches?
Item One: I've been slacking on the blog.
Yes, I'm well aware of this one. Part of it is laziness. But if you know and love me, you'll have long accepted this part of my personality and this won't bother you.
Secondably, I've gotten back into the labor force with a week or so of PA work. I'm working on a Suzuki job where my bohemian, South African superior is cutting together a new spot made up of three other commercials. Addition by addition. Unfortunately, my coworkers and superiors are far too nice on this job, so I don't have any good Devil Wears Prada stories about overly-specific coffee orders or being forced to serve as pest control for the entire office (Because a good boss doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people).
Thirdly, I'm on the verge of having my post count surpassed by that person whose taste in music and movies is so close to mine that we no doubt have to enemies...that is if we were ever to talk, which oddly enough has never happened.
And we wouldn't want that, now would we?
Fourthly, thanks to the douchebags formerly known as the WGA, I have no more TV shows to watch/insult. Although I could probably write a master's thesis on why the finale of Heroes was the worst 43 minutes in the history of television, I think that my energy can be better spent in other areas...namely crossing the picket line.
That's right, desperate producers, I'm more than willing to scab. You need another 8 episodes of Lost? Ask anyone who has talked to me on a Saturday night: I have enough crazy theories to last five seasons. Maybe it was the Smoke Monster who really killed JFK? Just a thought. I can also write insane Tracy Morgan ramblings (which could also pass for Creed Thoughts, come to think of it).
So I'll try to update you on a daily basis about all of the ins and outs of the P.A. job (and not just the ones involving receptionists with low self esteem. ZING!), as well as my ongoing quest to singlehandedly end the WGA strike and make sure that we get Gossip Girl back on the air ASAP. I mean, where else is my right hand going to get any exercise? (DOUBLE ZING...and a complete joke if any attractive, single female types were wondering).
But seriously, people: if I don't get a new episode of House in the next two months, I might be forced to read a book. And in case you didn't read that correctly or are hearing impaired: READ A BOOK.
The horror...the horror...
Death to the infidels,
MGD
That's what she said of the day:
Re: A film negative
I really didn't think it would be that long. Should we cut it down by three inches?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
2 December 2007 - Nearly ready to continue
Dear loyal readers,
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. My laziness, however, has not. This is party due to the fact that I drove myself into the ground on Thanksgiving, which turned into a headcold, which became a chest cold, and finally a 'Blair Witch I'm so' cold. Good news is that the antibotics are working so I'll be back to my sardonic self in about two more days. Bad news: still don't feel up to criticizing Ron Paul or Teach for America just yet.
So in the meanwhile, enjoy the clip from "Pushing Daisies." If watching Kristin Chenoweth break into song isn't enough to get you to start watching, then I'm guessing you're somewhere on my enemies list.
Death to the infidels,
MGD
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